If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize