I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
