I wish I only lived at night.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
