Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
