do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
