tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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