I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
