Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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