i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
