i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
