i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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