I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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