Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do herpes really smell.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
