It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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