y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
