i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
