i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish you could order shots online.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
