I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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