WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
