you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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