I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
