I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
