Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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