covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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