I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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