she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
