This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
