we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
