She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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