what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't notice because vodka
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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