She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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