i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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