the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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