After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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