if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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