so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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