If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
