girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
