8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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