she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
