The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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