i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
