Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
