i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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