I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize