We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
