Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
