does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
