I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
