are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
