I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
