She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
