haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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