Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
