I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
