my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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