Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
