I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
