Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
