my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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