you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
