1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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