So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
