Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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