You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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