Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
