It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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