there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We need a shit load of segways right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Please don't give away my fajitas
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
