Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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