she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
