piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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