4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
