he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize